Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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