I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
