I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
