when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
