Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
