My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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