Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
