So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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