Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
