As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
