so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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