hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
