Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
