party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
