You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
