Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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