I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
