i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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