He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
