Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
