He disabled his match.com account in front of me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
