I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
