so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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