Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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