It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
