Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
