I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
