there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
