I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
