Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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