but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
