someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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