You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
