hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
