I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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