exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
