I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
