That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
