My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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