I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
