I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
