Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
