Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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