Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
