I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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