Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
