it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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