And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
