Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
