I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
