okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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