i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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