This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we made out on top of his cat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
